Like there’s not enough air in the entire earth for my greedy lungs.
Like my chest has been stomped on by a thousand heavy feet.
Like every single thing I’ve ever done and said is worthy of great shame.
If I shout alone in my car
And no one hears it,
Did I really make a sound?
In my green forest I pick up my looking glass
That I keep hidden under the leaves
Through the looking glass
On the other side of the world
A tall woman
With pale skin
Sitting on a white, unmade bed
Brushing her long, black, wavy hair
With a comb made of pearls
Her fingers thin and long
Have silver adorned rings on them
She’s so thin
And the sheets are so white
It is although she is floating on a cloud
Her boobs are small and round and plump
Her waist small too
Like the rest of her body
She puts the comb down
Next to a seashell with bobby pins in it
And gets up to stretch in front of a large round mirror
Her stretch is a dance to my eyes
Her rib cage shows through her silk like skin
She has one birthmark right above her belly button
And another on her left shoulder
Her thighs and butt are round and much heavier looking than the rest of her
Her butt also plump
She yawns and her big red lips, not from lipstick but from warmth, make a perfect O
I wonder what she smells like
And what she looks like when she moans
Above her brown eyes, her thick curly eyelashes are seen when she blinks
The desire to have her is too deep
My heart does not interpret it as desire
To me it is
I put the looking glass down and hide it
Under the leaves where it was
I look down in shame
My hands are covered in dirt
I try to rub it off on my thighs
But the dirt just gets deeper inside the small curves of my palms and my fingertips
Around me are big, tall erect trees
And they all want me
And being wanted fills the void
The void that haunts me when I look through the looking glass
Every single atom that composes you is beyond desirable
I love you more than my lifetime permits
To each-other, we are more than lovers,
We are friends and parents and siblings
Existence is nothing but a feeling
And I cannot exist if it’s not with you
I have feelings for you that have yet to be named
you are the reason I cry and smile and laugh and frown and moan
you are the air I breathe and the light that gives color to my skin
you are god
you are the universe I exist in
you are everything
They say communist and anarchist like the words burn their mouth
They teach you
not only the lies
but to teach the lies to others
Your eyes are stitched with the lens they created and bestowed upon you
God lied the serpent said the truth
They strip you from your colors and paint you eastlake greens color scheme
Well i’ll strip off my clothes instead
Eternally progressing in a neutral state of depression
Let the blind lead those who cannot see
Let the blood drip down on open wounds
And I ask myself
What will my last breath taste like?
It’s getting late,
there’s this hole in my chest
that I can’t fucking explain.
School bores the Hell out of me,
and it takes up all my time.
Memorizing all this irrelevant shit numbs my mind.
I’d rather climb a tree.
I’d rather write a story.
I’d rather seek a greater glory.
I saw your face in a pink cloud,
on a bright blue background.
I reached out to hold your face,
and I found myself holding the entire outer space.
In my hands, I held everything that ever existed,
planets unknown of,
species unheard of.
Curious looking purple creatures caught my eye.
They told me about machines that did things I didn’t even know were possible.
I told them about the satisfaction of sleeping in cars and setting things on fire,
about drugs and coffee.
I told them about rain and bruises and Art.
They got lost in my words,
and I got lost in my thoughts.
I told them about you,
but they didn't believe me.
They said someone like you couldn't exist in a planet like mine.
I let go of your face and everything disappeared.
And I was back to where I once was,
staring at your face in a pink cloud.
A few dreams ago,
I was lost in a dark forest,
with pine trees that extended farther than my thoughts,
and a black sky that blinded me.
I was the only human there,
Animal noises surrounded me.
When a girl held my hand and showed me the way out,
she said follow me
and together we will see.
Doubtfully I grabbed her hand,
this girl showed me another land.
One with blue skies and flowers colored every shade of pink imaginable.
She handed me a smile,
and I kept it for a long while.
Be truthful about what you say.
Be truthful everyday.
Be truthful about who you are
or you won’t go very far.
Upon failing to do so,
your existence will become a lie.
Your heart will beat,
but every part of you will die.
You are everything good,
We are made up of you.
You love us endlessly.
You paint skies full of life for us.
We sing for you.
You lead the way,
And we take pride in taking it.
You teach us value and kindness,
You catch us when we fall.
I devote my existence and myself to you,
My lovely God.
I love you from here to the end
I love you without a single pretend
I’m just trying to make sense of it all
Without you, I know I’d fall
You make it whole
The human anatomy and the soul
You glue it together
I know our bodies are not here forever
But I know our souls are free whenever
I believe in you wherever
I throw myself with open arms
Because with you there are no harms
The freckles on your face
Take me to outer space
I hear a distant drum roll
I paint my face pink
I hear a loud drum roll
I feel every stroke on my face
I hear a furious drumroll
The beat gets quicker
I break the paintbrush in half
And my tears wash the pink paint away
The drumroll is the beat of my heart
She wanted an escape,
her soul ached.
She thought the pills could take her pain away,
she said, “This is the only way.”
I stared at her pale face,
the image I cannot erase.
Her eyes were grey,
there was nothing I could say to make her stay.
Bruises looked like galaxies on her skin,
the pink and purple seemed to spin.
I saw her put them in her mouth.
She heard me scream and shout.
She reached out her hand and gave me a flower.
I think of her every hour.
Are you blind?
Or are your eyes closed?
It's not what it used to be.
When you silently shout,
choking on nothingness.
From the depthness of the universe,
I hear them coming.
No harm beats fun.
I’m the happiest unhappy person you’ll ever meet.
They cut down the trees,
and the children cry.
When I’d rather be gone than here,
then I’ll know
I walk down a road made of ashes,
wondering where it’s going to go.
Forget everything you’ve ever been told,
and form ideas of your own.
And when the Earth dies, take me with it.
Listen to me,
my materialistic friend
who can’t remember his own address.
You lose yourself the second that you think you’re found,
you’re bound to be drowned.
Life is hard when it becomes a series of things you don’t want to do.
Your face looks like something I drew.
When you make friend you can’t keep.
When your job makes you weep.
You sing meaningless songs about silver spoons,
about the moon in mid June.
Your mind like twisted vines,
looking hard for signs.
You try really hard to forget your crimes,
you drive away to familiar times.
Earth is dying,
you’re not even trying.
you don’t care for a solution,
you don’t offer contribution.
The sky will turn gray,
the green will fade away.
Here’s your clue:
Earth isn’t entirely for you,
Chapter 1, here’s the introduction:
what we really need is reconstruction.
You can close your eyes,
you can look away.
But the truth that lies beneath,
is that your grandchildren’s children won't breathe.
I fell in love with Art
But she didn’t leave her number
I fell in love with Art
I painted her a thunder
I fell in love with Art
I crave her like hunger
In my mind,
It’s over stated,
I’ve grown frustrated
At the impossibility of expressing
How much I endlessly adore you.
I like that I don’t bore you.
You smell like the warmest heaven.
Your body feels like an ocean of bliss.
Nothing defeats your kiss.
Your voice is angelic
It all feels psychedelic.
And your mind is my favorite thing.
I’m in love with the curls of your eyelashes.
My heart whirls twirls.
And the lines in your cheeks when you smile.
I’ve accumulated a pile of things I love about you,
Telling them all would take a while.
And the shape of your lips is the prettiest thing.
My favorite pink.
You could stab me with a thousand knives and it would feel nice.
I want to memorize all of the birthmarks on your body.
I want to memorize everything about you.
Do you ever feel alone
Surrounded by people?
Do you ever feel sad
When you laugh?
Do you ever feel guilty
When you’re loved?
Do you ever feel empty
When you’re filled with emotions?
Do you ever try to write a poem and realize
There is no beauty in the formation of your phrases
It sounds like incoherent bitching
A vomit of pure shit
He smells like a soft bar of soap
He looks like an art piece you’d stare at for a short eternity
He’s also beautiful internally
Understands anxiety and pain
He has an interesting mind
And prettiness that's undefined
I bet he tastes like candy
I wonder what kissing an angel feels like
I ran out of cigarettes
With a vague feeling of loneliness
Questioning my education
I don’t understand the relation
Where’s the diligence?
Fatigue follows me
The reflection of the moon in the water intrigues
The red in the roses agrees
And the way the shadow of the tree dances makes me believe
I wish a had a cigarette
Or a new thought to fill my mind
Something to unwind the tangled feeling
Looking for meaning
Unfinished, 2016, high out of my mind
A goodnight for a good ma’am and her man
A good night with a good fright
So hug me tight
Under the moon
You feel the gloom
Air cold and sharp
You act bold and smart
I forgot my name
I killed myself and my friends
In my garden
I planted my words
And watered them with my tears
For years we had no fears
Bright white roses grew
I painted them red with my blood
They grew nice and pretty
Then I burned them
Breathing in ashes
Where did my roses go?
I desperately search my garden for my roses
In the water I see my reflection
My reaction is pure rejection
It doesn't look like me
I see a girl burning red roses
But that girl isn't me
It can’t be
I loved my roses
My words nourished them
That girl killed the meaning of my words
I look closer at the reflection in the water
That girl is me
It's hard to want to live
When my own mind is against me
It's hard to want to live
When i burned people i love
It's hard to want to live
When i lost what mattered most
It's hard to stay alive
Anxiety keeps me from eating
Regret keeps me from sleeping
My body aches from shaking
Breaking in fractions
I'm afraid of my own actions
It's hard not to hate myself
When I’m the reason I'm miserable