April 2019

Like there’s not enough air in the entire earth for my greedy lungs.

Like my chest has been stomped on by a thousand heavy feet.

Like every single thing I’ve ever done and said is worthy of great shame.


If I shout alone in my car

And no one hears it,

Did I really make a sound? 

April 2019

In my green forest I pick up my looking glass

That I keep hidden under the leaves

Through the looking glass

On the other side of the world

I see

A tall woman

With pale skin

Sitting on a white, unmade bed

Brushing her long, black, wavy hair

With a comb made of pearls

Her fingers thin and long

Have silver adorned rings on them

She’s so thin

And the sheets are so white

It is although she is floating on a cloud

Her boobs are small and round and plump

Her waist small too

Like the rest of her body

She puts the comb down

Next to a seashell with bobby pins in it

And gets up to stretch in front of a large round mirror

Her stretch is a dance to my eyes

Her rib cage shows through her silk like skin

She has one birthmark right above her belly button

And another on her left shoulder

Her thighs and butt are round and much heavier looking than the rest of her

Her butt also plump

She yawns and her big red lips, not from lipstick but from warmth, make a perfect O

I wonder what she smells like

And what she looks like when she moans

Above her brown eyes, her thick curly eyelashes are seen when she blinks

The desire to have her is too deep

My heart does not interpret it as desire

To me it is

Pain

I put the looking glass down and hide it

Under the leaves where it was

I look down in shame

My hands are covered in dirt

I try to rub it off on my thighs

But the dirt just gets deeper inside the small curves of my palms and my fingertips

Around me are big, tall erect trees

And they all want me

And being wanted fills the void

The void that haunts me when I look through the looking glass

September 2018


Every single atom that composes you is beyond desirable
I love you more than my lifetime permits
To each-other, we are more than lovers,
We are friends and parents and siblings
Existence is nothing but a feeling
And I cannot exist if it’s not with you
I have feelings for you that have yet to be named
you are the reason I cry and smile and laugh and frown and moan
you are the air I breathe and the light that gives color to my skin
you are god
you are the universe I exist in
you are everything



August 2018


They say communist and anarchist like the words burn their mouth

They teach you

not only the lies

but to teach the lies to others

Your eyes are stitched with the lens they created and bestowed upon you

God lied the serpent said the truth

They strip you from your colors and paint you eastlake greens color scheme

Well i’ll strip off my clothes instead

and say

Fuck you

Eternally progressing in a neutral state of depression

Let the blind lead those who cannot see

Let the blood drip down on open wounds

….

And I ask myself

What will my last breath taste like?

2013

It’s getting late,

there’s this hole in my chest

that I can’t fucking explain.

School bores the Hell out of me,

and it takes up all my time.

Memorizing all this irrelevant shit numbs my mind.

I’d rather climb a tree.

I’d rather write a story.

I’d rather seek a greater glory.



2015

I saw your face in a pink cloud,

on a bright blue background.

I reached out to hold your face,

and I found myself holding the entire outer space.

In my hands, I held everything that ever existed,

planets unknown of,

species unheard of.

Curious looking purple creatures caught my eye.

They told me about machines that did things I didn’t even know were possible.

I told them about the satisfaction of sleeping in cars and setting things on fire,

about drugs and coffee.

I told them about rain and bruises and Art.

They got lost in my words,

and I got lost in my thoughts.

I told them about you,

but they didn't believe me.

They said someone like you couldn't exist in a planet like mine.

I let go of your face and everything disappeared.

And I was back to where I once was,

staring at your face in a pink cloud.







2015

A few dreams ago,

I was lost in a dark forest,

with pine trees that extended farther than my thoughts,

and a black sky that blinded me.

I was the only human there,

It seemed.

Animal noises surrounded me.

When a girl held my hand and showed me the way out,

she said follow me

and together we will see.

Doubtfully I grabbed her hand,

this girl showed me another land.

One with blue skies and flowers colored every shade of pink imaginable.

She handed me a smile,

and I kept it for a long while.



2015

Be truthful.

Be truthful about what you say.

Be truthful everyday.

Be truthful about who you are

or you won’t go very far.

Upon failing to do so,

your existence will become a lie.

Your heart will beat,

but every part of you will die.


2013

You are everything good,

Everything positive,

Everything pure.

We are made up of you.

You love us endlessly.

You paint skies full of life for us.

We sing for you.

You lead the way,

And we take pride in taking it.

You teach us value and kindness,

You catch us when we fall.

I devote my existence and myself to you,

My lovely God.


I love you from here to the end

I love you without a single pretend

I’m just trying to make sense of it all

Without you, I know I’d fall

You make it whole

The human anatomy and the soul

You glue it together

I know our bodies are not here forever

But I know our souls are free whenever

I believe in you wherever

I throw myself with open arms

Because with you there are no harms

2014

The freckles on your face

Take me to outer space

I hear a distant drum roll

I paint my face pink

I hear a loud drum roll

I feel every stroke on my face

I hear a furious drumroll

The beat gets quicker

I break the paintbrush in half

And my tears wash the pink paint away

The drumroll is the beat of my heart


2015

She wanted an escape,

her soul ached.

She thought the pills could take her pain away,

she said, “This is the only way.”

I stared at her pale face,

the image I cannot erase.

Her eyes were grey,

there was nothing I could say to make her stay.

Bruises looked like galaxies on her skin,

the pink and purple seemed to spin.

I saw her put them in her mouth.

She heard me scream and shout.

She reached out her hand and gave me a flower.

I think of her every hour.

2014

Are you blind?

Or are your eyes closed?

It's not what it used to be.

When you silently shout,

choking on nothingness.

From the depthness of the universe,

I hear them coming.

No harm beats fun.

I’m the happiest unhappy person you’ll ever meet.

Decipher me.

They cut down the trees,

and the children cry.

When I’d rather be gone than here,

then I’ll know

I walk down a road made of ashes,

wondering where it’s going to go.

Forget everything you’ve ever been told,

and form ideas of your own.

Filled

With emptiness

And when the Earth dies, take me with it.


2015

Listen to me,

my materialistic friend

who can’t remember his own address.

You lose yourself the second that you think you’re found,

you’re bound to be drowned.

Life is hard when it becomes a series of things you don’t want to do.

Your face looks like something I drew.

When you make friend you can’t keep.

When your job makes you weep.

You sing meaningless songs about silver spoons,

about the moon in mid June.

Your mind like twisted vines,

looking hard for signs.

You try really hard to forget your crimes,

you drive away to familiar times.

2015

Earth is dying,

you’re not even trying.

Your trash,

your pollution,

you don’t care for a solution,

you don’t offer contribution.

The sky will turn gray,

the green will fade away.

Here’s your clue:

Earth isn’t entirely for you,

Chapter 1, here’s the introduction:

Mass destruction,

mass production,

what we really need is reconstruction.

You can close your eyes,

you can look away.

But the truth that lies beneath,

is that your grandchildren’s children won't breathe.


2013

I fell in love with Art

But she didn’t leave her number

I fell in love with Art

I painted her a thunder

I fell in love with Art

I crave her like hunger



2016

In my mind,

It’s over stated,

I’ve grown frustrated

At the impossibility of expressing

How much I endlessly adore you.

I like that I don’t bore you.

You smell like the warmest heaven.

Your body feels like an ocean of bliss.

Nothing defeats your kiss.

Your voice is angelic

It all feels psychedelic.

And your mind is my favorite thing.

I’m in love with the curls of your eyelashes.

My heart whirls twirls.

And the lines in your cheeks when you smile.

I’ve accumulated a pile of things I love about you,

Telling them all would take a while.

And the shape of your lips is the prettiest thing.

My favorite pink.

You could stab me with a thousand knives and it would feel nice.

I want to memorize all of the birthmarks on your body.

I want to memorize everything about you.

2016

Do you ever feel alone

Surrounded by people?

Do you ever feel sad

When you laugh?

Do you ever feel guilty

When you’re loved?

Do you ever feel empty

When you’re filled with emotions?

Do you ever try to write a poem and realize

There is no beauty in the formation of your phrases

It sounds like incoherent bitching

A vomit of pure shit


2016

He smells like a soft bar of soap

He looks like an art piece you’d stare at for a short eternity

He’s also beautiful internally

Understands anxiety and pain

He has an interesting mind

And prettiness that's undefined

I bet he tastes like candy

I wonder what kissing an angel feels like


2015

I ran out of cigarettes

With a vague feeling of loneliness

Questioning my education

I don’t understand the relation

Seeking intelligence

Where’s the diligence?

Fatigue follows me

Still

The reflection of the moon in the water intrigues

The red in the roses agrees

And the way the shadow of the tree dances makes me believe

I wish a had a cigarette

Or a new thought to fill my mind

Something to unwind the tangled feeling

Looking for meaning


Unfinished, 2016, high out of my mind


A goodnight for a good ma’am and her man

A good night with a good fright

So hug me tight

Under the moon

You feel the gloom

Air cold and sharp

You act bold and smart

Vision impaired?

2015

Hello,

I forgot my name

I killed myself and my friends

In my garden

I planted my words

And watered them with my tears

For years we had no fears

Bright white roses grew

I painted them red with my blood

They grew nice and pretty

Then I burned them

I’m choking

Breathing in ashes

Where did my roses go?

I desperately search my garden for my roses

In the water I see my reflection

My reaction is pure rejection

It doesn't look like me

I see a girl burning red roses

But that girl isn't me

It can’t be

I loved my roses

My words nourished them

That girl killed the meaning of my words

I look closer at the reflection in the water

That girl is me

It's hard to want to live

When my own mind is against me

It's hard to want to live

When i burned people i love

It's hard to want to live

When i lost what mattered most

It's hard to stay alive

Anxiety keeps me from eating

Regret keeps me from sleeping

My body aches from shaking

Slowly breaking

Breaking in fractions

I'm afraid of my own actions

It's hard not to hate myself

When I’m the reason I'm miserable